wow. I've been so busy and I feel like abusive to this account for not submitting anything..
I love art and seeing others express it as well soo..I just do check ups here but seeing journals makes me want to submit one again.
WELL. This will be short but I'm going another one soon with a giant update but basically for now the dealio is
today, after deligently working on my 8 page term paper on artificial intelligence, we had to do a speech.
Wrote it yesterday, presented it today and let me tell you dears it was AWESOME. Introduction, transitions, and conclusion flowed perfectly and wen't full circle (in writing I think that's neat). And well, my writing generally has a nice flow to it (not egotistical). It's just how I write. I like things to flow nicely and pretty-full.
SO thing to know about me
Public speaking= kills me
I am SOO shy I get shaky, nervous and jittery and hyperventilate-y .
So I start my speech and all is going well, and I hit my awesome conclusion which caps it off with a bang...
AND
Of course I freeze. FROZEN SOLID!
Then I started breathing hard cause I was trying to breathe and calm down but I just kept taking in air and yeah...
I missed the last two words of my speech and was just like "decades of determination...----DECADES OF DETERMINATION!!" Threw up my arms for effect and walked off. Tried to end it like that.
Oh dear the end was a TRAIN WRECK, with fire, and explosives and alien creatures and yeah...
it was bad and I'm angry at myself because I had the chance to do really good if I didn't screw up.
FML


Going to go run now. Hopefully it'll help me blow some steam.

Cheers.
amanda

Just throwing this quick and short journal up. My last one was kinda long xD I surprised myself.
ANYWHO. Update on my back.
Today after I take my exams..(this week is FINALS week. Omg. I want it to be over so I can go hibernate for two weeks xD lmao)
I'm going to the docs and they're going to check up on it.
I was supposed to get my results of my full body scan last tuesday but they just got back to me...Yesterday. SOo. My dad answered the phone and didn't tell me what they said until I asked, which is they think it's an active spot (VERY GOOD!), so I might have a chance of healing :3
I don't know why my dad didn't tell me right away I mean. Don't you think I have a RIGHT to know? It's my frickin back -grumble-
Sometimes no no. ALWAYS he annoys me. I'll spare you the rant ;]

So wish me luck today guys *thumbs up* I'll prolly get some x-rays then be all sad when I get home. lmao.
LOVE YOU ALL! And an early Happy Christmas <3
amanda.

So...My back has been hurting for me for a good year now, and I keep telling my mom. "Mom, something is wrong with my back, I need to go to the doctor." So. Finally friday, she takes me to the doctor and I get some x-rays done. The side view and the straight on view seemed pretty normal, my spine is just a little more straight at the top then normal. Usually its super curvy like and S, but he said that doesn't really matter.
Well. So I get an oblique view done of my spine and he comes in and is like "This is suspicious. really suspicious."
So. The verdict loves...
Either I have Spondylyosis which you can read on what it is here --> [link]

Or its a stress fracture. Pretty much on my 3rd cervical vertebrae you can see this dark line where there's a fracture in the vertebrae.
Hopefully its just a stress fracture or something...I'm hoping for the better of outcomes (I don't know which one I'm better with. The doctor was kinda bad. He wasn't explaining things very clearly. )
He did say though that I have to get bone testing done (with like IV things -shudder-) and an MRI to see if this thing is a hot spot, or if its old. If its New (hotspot) then they can heal it...If its not..Well then I'm stuck with the pain.
He said I should stay off sports but -cackle- like a little pain ever stopped me from being active. lmao.
I DO have to wear a soft back brace though...No worries I don't look like that girl from Mean girls lmao! Just like...It's like a girdle or a corset. so not to bad. haha. My friends joke around like "Does at least make you skiiner!?!?" lmao. Ah I love my friends. They put light on any dark situation.

If I'm stuck with this, I think I just might blame my mom for not listening to me. I have a really good tolerance to keeping pain to myself and dealing with it. If I WAS saying ANYTHING she should KNOW that this was serious. What ever...I hope this turns out good.

I'm a very adventurous person and I'm not letting this get in the way of my goals. lol.
This might postpone my backpacking trip in new mexico though...-tear-

I hope this gets better loves. Hopefully this won't discourage me in anything. I don't want to get depressed again... Like after I got back from sailing.
Gawd damn I miss the sea. Its like homesickness being away from it..Like a piece of me is missing..

I'm an ocean baby though xp I can't help it. I've been by it my whole life and being ON it. Threw me off the edge. =[


PREVIEW! This was the before for a masqeurade ball I went to saturday. I'll make another journal on that later ;] haha.
When I get the pics FROM it developed I'll post them up.
FOr now, Muah

-->[link]
--> [link]


p.s. I fucking HEART Edward CULLEN/ ROB PATTINSON -swoonorgasm-

"If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.
People who don’t have any are liars."

I Fear…

[] the dark (typically when I'm by myself or someone else that's terrified of the dark)
[x] being a parent
[x] giving birth
[x] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[ ] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[ ] fish
[ ] spiders
[ ] flowers or other plants

Total so far: 3

[ ] being touched
[ ] deep water
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[ ] boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[ ] rats
[ ] jumping from high places
[ ] snow

Total so far: 4

[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[ ] crossing hanging bridges
[ ] death
[ ] heaven
[x] being robbed
[ ] falling
[ ] clowns
[ x ] dolls
[x ] large crowds of people
[ ] men
[ ] women
[x] having great responsibilities
[x] doctors, including dentists
[x] tornadoes

Total so far: 10

[ ] hurricanes
[x] incurable diseases
[x] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[ ] ghosts
[x] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[ ] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[x] being alone
[x] becoming blind
[x] becoming deaf
[ ] growing up

Total so far: 16

[X] creepy noises in the night
[ ] bee stings
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[ ] needles
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs
[ ] the welcome mat
[ ] high speed
[ ] throwing up
[ ] falling in love
[ ] super secrets

Final Total: 18. WOO NORMAL! lmao. Everyone knows I'm not though haha. It was actually a surprise! I'm just adventurous and believe in fate so that balances everything out xp

... if you wish to post this in your journal, it's been requested that you title it I'm afraid of _ out of 72 common fears...

Yeahhh, I"m leaving yo! T_T I'll be back july 5th so hopefully I don't get eteanzzz by sharks D:



OMG WOLFIE I LOVE YOU AND WILL MISS YOU!!! DXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


If you get on at like.... 1am-3am, you might catch me before I leave <33333333333333


I'll send you some sketches I did too, lasting memory of me should I die =/




-HUGGLESREAPPSSALLLZZZ-



-off to sailing with the bonny boys ;] ohhh. hehehehehehehehehhe.- *seckkks*